Sue Scheff: Teen Entrepreneur

Source: Connect with Kids

“I’m a gigantic believer in the value of an entrepreneurial experience- if there’s any time in someone’s life when they ought to take a risk it’s when they are not saddled with an enormous number of financial and family responsibilities.”

– Andrea Hershatter, Ph.D., M.B.A.

When today’s teens talk about what they want to be when they grow up … the answer that is becoming more common than ever is: my own boss.

Like a lot of college freshmen, Sean Belnick has a job on the side. He works for a company that brings in more than 20-million dollars a year. It’s his company… he owns it.

“We started off with a couple of orders a day and it just mushroomed from there,” he says.

A huge warehouse now stocks the office chairs he sells online. But it all started in his bedroom, when he was 15 years old.

“I always had an entrepreneurial spirit,” he says.

More teens than ever are tapping into their entrepreneurial spirit. In fact, according to Junior Achievement Worldwide, interest in entrepreneurship camps is up 30 percent.

What’s more, experts say, kids have a huge advantage as entrepreneurs because they know the web and know network sites like Facebook and Myspace.

“They intuitively understand the power and potential of using web based services for distribution, for marketing, for outreach… for connections,” says Andrea Herchatter with Emory University, “And they’re incredible networkers who have a very large number of human resources in terms of their peers at their disposal.”

“That’s the whole thing with the internet really,” says Belnick, “Anyone can put a web site up. And it looks professional. But there’s nothing saying that there’s a 20-year-old kid behind it. Which is the biggest thing about the internet, you know, you can create your own credibility.”

Experts say parents should encourage entrepreneurship in their kids… whether it’s moving lawns or an online business.

They may not make millions… but they will learn a lot about managing a business and turning a profit.

“I think they learn, they grow, they mature. If they are not enriched financially then at least they are enriched in terms of life experiences that will serve them forever,” says Herchatter.

Tips for Parents

With the employment rate down for teens, many are opting for volunteer positions instead of paid positions. And despite many adults being convinced of a decline in the values and morals of today’s young people, recent surveys show that many teens are giving of their time to work for causes in which they believe and to help those who are less fortunate. Teens find volunteer opportunities through religious organizations, school-based programs and community agencies.

Teens listed several reasons for volunteering:

Compassion for people in need
Feeling they can do something for a cause in which they believe
A belief that if they help others, others will help them
In addition, some teens volunteer their time in occupational fields in which they are interested. In addition to being helpful, they are able to use their experiences in deciding on future career choices.

Teens reported benefiting from their volunteer experiences in many ways, including:

Learning to respect others.
Learning to be helpful and kind.
Learning to understand people who are different from them.
Developing leadership skills.
Becoming more patient.
Gaining a better understanding of good citizenship.
Exploring or learning about career options.
Developing new career goals.
Children learn from their parents. The survey showed teens that reported having positive role models were nearly twice as likely to volunteer as those who did not. Encourage your child to volunteer by setting an example. Youth Service America provides additional ways to increase teen volunteerism:

Ask them to volunteer.
Encourage youth to get involved at an early age. Volunteering when young creates lifelong adult volunteers.
Encourage children and young adults to participate in community groups, faith-based organizations, student government and school projects.
Encourage a positive self-image so young people are able to help others and contribute to their communities.
Be a mentor in your community.
Provide young people with opportunities to take courses that include and even require community service.

References
The Higher Education Research Institute
The Independent Sector
Youth Service America

Sue Scheff: Summer Jobs Scarce for Teens

Source: Connect with Kids

"It’s a difficult job market, but don’t give up. Look longer and work harder to find [a job]. There are some, but you’re going to have to commit yourself in a much more focused way than maybe in the past.”

– Michael Thurmond, Commissioner, Georgia Department of Labor

They look through newspapers, scan the Internet, and drive around looking for “Help Wanted” signs. There aren’t many out there.

“I looked for a summer job for probably about a month and a half,” says 16-year-old Julie Wells.

“I had an extremely hard time finding a job,” adds 16-year-old Chelsea Coleman.

They’re not alone. Experts say finding a job is going to be tough this summer.

“Our teens in this nation are facing the worst job market in recent memory … since World War II,” says Commissioner of the Georgia Department of Labor, Michael Thurmond.

This summer, experts predict most teens will not find a job, compared to eight years ago when nearly half of all teens were employed.

The reason is no surprise. As the recession ends, adults who have been unemployed for months -- or longer -- are taking low-level jobs that were once the domain of teens.

“Teenagers all across this country are being forced … to compete with better skilled, more educated adults,” says Thurmond, “and there are fewer jobs to be sought in the beginning.”

But he does have some advice. First, teens shouldn’t give up. The job search may take longer, and they may not get the job of their choice, but there are still opportunities. Second, if you can’t find a paying job, volunteer for a non-profit organization. It’s one way to show future employers that you have what it takes.

“Committed to showing up on time, doing a good job, respecting authority,” says Thurmond.

Tips for Parents

Perhaps the most difficult and most important step in getting a job may be the interview itself. There are many things you can do make a good impression with an interviewer. Consider the following, developed by the Wisconsin Department of Workforce Development (WDWD):

Do your homework on the company. Ask the personnel or business office for printed materialp; talk with an employee; check the public library; go to the company website. The more you know about the company, the better you’ll do in an interview. You’ll sound intelligent, up to date, and the interviewer may recognize the hard work you did in preparing – and that will make a more favorable impression.

Practice interviewing with a family member or friend – especially one who has been successful in getting jobs and will offer you honets feedback and helpful suggestions.

Bring your resume, a work record and names of references.

Dress conservatively – a dress, suit, or nice pants and a blouse (women) or a suit or trousers and a neat shirt (men). Do not wear "fad" or flamboyant clothes.

Report for your interview on time – and alone.

Answer the employer's questions honestly and briefly. Don't talk about personal matters unless asked. Do tell about your qualifications completely – without exaggeration.

If the first interview does not lead to a job offer, don't get discouraged. Few people get the first job they apply for – and often not the second or third, either.

Think about each interview and determine what made a good impression – and what you could improve. Some people even suggest calling the interviewer to ask for helpful feedback. Then try again for another job.

Finding summer jobs can be daunting for students. When summer break rolls around, the job market suddenly becomes saturated with adolescents all vying for the same openings.

Therefore, it’s important to know what will help you most in getting a job. Experts at the WDWD have developed the following tips for you to share with your child:

For the best chance at private industry job, students should start looking in late winter or early spring. Large businesses usually have personnel offices that will take applications early. Your child should check back with the company regularly.

Sometimes students can get priority for summer jobs by working part-time or on Saturdays during the school year.

Small firms may not take applications until they are ready to hire, but checking early will let employers know your child is interested. Your child can also find out the best time to apply and what his/her chances are.

Here’s a useful exercise: have your child make a list of things he/she has to offer an employer – specific skills, personality/attitude, work or volunteer experience, and anything he/she has learned in or out of school that may be useful on a job. For example, typing skills, working around cars or machines, or helping children.

Tell your child to talk with a teacher or counselor about jobs in the area. Your child should ask how he/she can put his/her skills and talents to work. Teachers and counselors may be able to suggest fields that are right for your child.

Encourage your child to create a type of resume to give to interviewers. It should include work experience, names and addresses of previous employers, volunteer work, and personal references. Teachers and adult friends are good reference choices; relatives should not be listed. Tell your child to always ask permission before using anyone as a reference.

References
Georgia Department of Labor
Quintessential Careers
SnagAJob
Wisconsin Department of Workforce Development

Sue Scheff: Sleeping Pills and Teens

Source: Connect with Kids

“Part of it I think now is there is so much more pressure in the academic settings. There are kids who are working tremendous numbers of hours each evening to get their schoolwork done. I get a sense that many of them worry about how they are doing academically, and that tends to spill over into difficulties with sleep.”

– Richard Winer, M.D., Psychiatrist

Whether it’s an over-the-counter medication like Nyquil, or a prescription drug like Ambien or Sonata, more and more teens say they often take something to get to sleep.

“It’s mainly just stress… you want to study and then you realize you need to sleep because you have a test the next day and then you just take something,” says Chelsea, 19.

“An Ambien to knock me out,” adds 19-year-old Jessica.

“I’ll take Nyquil or something like that, just to help me get to sleep easier,” explains Allison, 19.

Why do kids today need help getting to sleep? Experts say there are several answers: greater academic pressure, more stimulation late at night, with cell phones, TV, computer games, instant messaging, more kids with ADHD taking stimulants like Ritalin, and an explosion in the use of caffeine drinks.

The result: at bedtime, many kids are looking for help in a pill.

“Our culture is certainly turned more toward a living better through chemistry approach,” say Psychiatrist Richard Winer, M.D.

He says the problem is the obvious: Sleeping aids can be habit forming. “My bias is toward keeping kids away from medication for sleep if at all possible. Because you don’t want to create some habits that’ll be even harder to break as time goes on in adulthood.”

He says for many kids, the solution is routine: Relax for a while, and then go to bed at the same time every night.

But, for some, the problem is more serious.

“There are a number of kids out there that have honest to goodness insomnia difficulties,” says Dr. Winer, “They have sleep disorders that do require treatment.”

Tips for Parents

A study performed by researchers at Stanford University found that teenagers require approximately one to two hours more sleep than 9- and 10-year-olds, who only require about eight hours of sleep. This goes against the school of thought that allows older kids to stay up later. Parents may want to be on the lookout for the following things, which could be caused from sleep deprivation:

Difficulty waking in the morning
Irritability in the afternoon
Falling asleep during the day
Oversleeping on the weekend
Having difficulty remembering or concentrating
Waking up often and having trouble going back to sleep
Sleep deprivation also can lead to extreme moodiness, poor performance in school and depression. Teens who aren’t getting enough sleep also have a higher risk of having car accidents because of falling asleep behind the wheel.


As the lives of children seem to be getting busier, their sleeping habits may be one of the first things impacted. Sleep, though being something that often gets sacrificed, is actually one of the most important things in a child’s life. Experts say taking sleep medications unauthorized by the FDA for teenage consumption is not the answer, however. Here are some suggestions about sleep:

Sleep is as important as food and air. Quantity and quality are very important. Most people need between seven-and-a-half to eight-and-a-half hours of uninterrupted sleep. If you want to press the snooze alarm in the morning you are not getting the sleep you need. This could be due to not enough time in bed, external disturbances or a sleep disorder.

Keep regular hours. Try to go to bed at the same time and get up at the same time every day. Getting up at the same time is most important. Getting bright light, like the sun, when you get up will also help. Try to go to bed only when you are sleepy. Bright light in the morning at a regular time should help you feel sleepy at the same time every night.

Stay away from stimulants like caffeine. This will help you get deep sleep, which is most refreshing. If you take any caffeine, take it in the morning. Avoid all stimulants in the evening, including chocolate, caffeinated sodas and caffeinated teas. They will delay sleep and increase awakenings during the night.

Use the bed just for sleeping. Avoid watching television, using laptop computers or reading in bed. Bright light from these activities and subject matter may inhibit sleep. If it helps to read before sleeping, make sure you use a very small wattage bulb to read. A 15-watt bulb should be enough.

Avoid bright light around the house before bed. Using dimmer switches in living rooms and bathrooms before bed can be helpful. Dimmer switches can be set to maximum brightness for morning routines.

Don't stress if you feel you are not getting enough sleep. It will just make matters worse. Know you will sleep eventually.

Avoid exercise near bedtime. No exercise at least three hours before bed.

Don't go to bed hungry. Have a light snack, but avoid a heavy meal before bed.

Bedtime routines are helpful for good sleep.

Avoid looking at the clock if you wake up in the middle of the night. It can cause anxiety.
If you can't get to sleep for over 30 minutes, get out of bed and do something boring in dim light till you are sleepy.

Keep your bedroom at a comfortable temperature.

If you have problems with noise in your environment, you can use a white noise generator. A fan will work.

References
American Sleep Apnea Association
National Sleep Foundation
Shuteye
Thomson Reuters

Parents Universal Resource Experts - Sue Scheff - Inflated Self Esteem with Teens

Source: Connect with Kids

“Just be happy about yourself, feel confident in what you can do.”

– Tyler, age 17

Self-esteem is important. “Well of course!” agrees 16-year-old Annie.

“The lower self-esteem you have the more people can pick on you, the more people can mess around and make jokes about you, that’s just how it is nowadays,” explains 17-year-old Tyler.

Researchers from San Diego State University studied annual surveys given to high school seniors since 1975. They found that self-esteem among teens is at its highest level ever.

One example: 65 percent felt confident that they would be successful at their job, compared to just 49 percent back in 1975.

Experts point to the trend in the late 70s, where parents and teachers used praise to boost self-esteem … sometimes instead of kids actually earning praise and recognition.

“To feel good about ourselves, we need things to feel good about,” says Dr. Frank Phajares, Clinical Psychologist. “We need accomplishments, we need mastery experiences, we need real competencies. And when we succeed, that’s when we feel good about ourselves.”

Studies show that earned self-esteem is powerful: kids tend to perform better when they feel good about themselves and are better able to get through disappointments and difficulties in life.

But, experts warn, praise without accomplishment is risky.

“If we just focus on making kids feel good and liking themselves, then I think we are missing the boat and I think we are raising little tyrants who are self-centered, selfish and could disregard other people.”

Tips for Parents

A general increase in the self-esteem of American children is good news, right? Researchers at San Diego State University aren’t so sure. Their study of adolescents and college students from the 1970s to 2000s does show an overall increase in self-esteem, but suggests that the increase is not due to improvements in children’s behavior. Instead, the increase could be the result of educators and parents urging children to feel better about themselves. “The larger social environment is affecting self-esteem, rather than vice versa,” the study’s authors conclude. “The culture we create has an impact on our children’s feelings about themselves.”

Why is self-esteem important in children? According to the National Network for Child Care (NNCC), how children feel about themselves affects the way they act. Most of the time, children with high self-esteem will:

Make friends easily.
Show enthusiasm for new activities.
Be cooperative and follow age-appropriate rules.
Control their behavior.
Play by themselves and with other children.
Like to be creative and have their own ideas.
Be happy, full of energy, and talk to others without much encouragement.
What can you do to help children build high self-esteem? The NNCC offers the following suggestions:

Praise each child's successes (even very small ones). Praise each child who tries hard.
Give sincere affection. Let children know that they are loved and wanted.
Show interest in each child's activities, projects, or problems.
Tell children what to do instead of what not to do. This prepares them for what to do.
Instead of: "Don't throw the ball," say: "Roll the ball on the floor." Instead of: "Don't squeeze the kitten," say: "Hold the kitten gently."
Let children know that mistakes are a natural part of growing up. Everyone (including adults) makes mistakes.
Try to ignore temper tantrums and other negative behavior as much as possible.
Show appreciation when children cooperate, help you, say kind things to other children, obey the rules, and do other positive things.
Remember that learning new skills takes time and practice. Children do not learn new skills all at once.
Respond affectionately when children behave well. Tell children what you like about their behavior.
Let children know that you believe in them and expect them to do well.

References
Personality and Social Psychology Review
National Network for Child Care

Sue Scheff: Pharm Drugs and Teens

Street drugs, such as pot, crack, heroin, etc…. is being replaced with pharmacy drugs kids are finding at home. Parents need to take the time to see what their medicine cabinets are holding and what prescription drugs they have at home such as pain pills from ordinary root canals - as well as medications for ADD/ADHD. Here is a great article with helpful tips for parents.

Source: Connect with Kids

“Just take whatever we had you know, not really thinking about how high I was going to get or you know, how messed up.”

– ‘James’, age 21, explaining how he and friends shared drugs during his teenage years.

“We all had different prescriptions,” says 18-year-old Laura.

“You know, percocets, valium, zanex, oxycontin,” says James, 21.

“I wanted to get as loaded as I could. Didn’t care what I was taking, how much of it,” adds Laura.

James and Laura met in rehab. Both are drug addicts who used to get high at parties. Parties where everyone brought some kind of prescription drug and passed them around, often combining them with pot or alcohol.

“When I first started using and mixing drugs, I felt like a superhero, like nothing, you know, I was invincible,” says Laura.

Some kids call them ‘pharm’ parties… for ‘pharmaceutical’.

Experts say the allure is… the unknown. “What kind of new experience can I get? And very often it’s kids who are just bored of smoking pot day in and day out… cause they’ve reached a saturation point,” says Addiction Counselor Robert Margolis, Ph.D.

But experts say taking someone else’s prescription is dangerous… especially when combined with other drugs.

“There are combinations out there that if you start to mix together will create reaction in your body that by the time you know what’s happening, it’s too late,” Dr. Margolis.

“What I did notice is that I would black out a lot of nights,” says James.

Laura survived her years of drug years… but her addiction led to mood swings and depression that made her suicidal.

“Once I started getting heavily addicted, I tried overdosing several times, so I wanted to die, I didn’t want to live anymore,” she says.

“The risks are immense and the kids don’t realize that,” says Dr. Margolis, “And they’re everything from having a tremendous hangover to fatal.”


Tips for Parents
As a parent, it is important to understand that teens may be involved with legal and illegal drugs in various ways. The American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP) reports that many teens begin using drugs to satisfy their curiosity, to make themselves feel good, to reduce stress, to feel grown up or to “fit in.” While it is difficult to know which teens will experiment and stop and which will develop serious problems, the National Institute of Drug Abuse says the following types of teens are at greatest risk of becoming addicted:

Those who have a family history of substance abuse
Those who are depressed
Those who have low self-esteem
Those who feel like they don’t “fit in” or are out of the mainstream
Because the U.S. Food and Drug Administration puts its seal of approval on prescription drugs, many teens mistakenly believe that using these drugs – even if they are not prescribed to them – is safe. However, this practice can, in fact, lead to addiction and severe side effects. The Center for Drug Evaluation and Research cites the following most commonly abused prescription drugs:

Opioids – Also known as narcotic analgesics, opioids are used to treat pain. Examples of this type of drug include morphine, codeine, OxyContin (oxycodone), Vicodin (hydrocodone) and Demerol (meperidine). In the short term, these drugs block pain messages and cause drowsiness. A large, single dose can cause severe respiratory depression and death. Long-term use leads to physical dependence and, in some cases, addiction.
Central nervous system (CNS) depressants – These drugs are commonly used to treat anxiety, panic attacks and sleep disorders. Examples include Nembutal (pentobarbital sodium), Valium (diazepam) and Xanax (alprazolam). CNS depressants slow down normal brain function and can cause a sleepy, uncoordinated feeling in the beginning of treatment. Long-term use can lead to physical dependence and addiction.
Stimulants – These drugs are commonly used to treat the sleeping disorder narcolepsy and attention-deficit hyperactivity disorder. Examples include Ritalin (methylphenidate) and Dexedrine (dextroamphetamine). Stimulants, which can be addictive, enhance brain activity and increase alertness and energy. They elevate blood pressure, heart rate and respiration. Very high doses can lead to irregular heartbeat and high body temperature
How can you determine if your teen is abusing drugs? The AACAP suggests looking for the following warning signs and symptoms in your teen:

Physical – Fatigue, repeated health complaints, red and glazed eyes and a lasting cough
Emotional – Personality change, sudden mood changes, irritability, irresponsible behavior, low self-esteem, poor judgment, depression and a general lack of interest
Familial – Starting arguments, breaking rules or withdrawing from the family
School-related – Decreased interest, negative attitude, drop in grades, many absences, truancy and discipline problems
Social – having new friends who are less interested in standard home and school activities, problems with the law and changes to less conventional styles in dress and music
If you believe your teen has a problem with drug abuse, you can take several steps to get the help he or she needs. The American Academy of Family Physicians suggests contacting your health-care provider so that he or she can perform an adequate medical evaluation in order to match the right treatment or intervention program with your teen. You can also contact a support group in your community dedicated to helping families coping with addiction.

Substance abuse can be an overwhelming issue with which to deal, but it doesn’t have to be. The Partnership for a Drug-Free America offers the following strategies to put into practice so that your teen can reap the rewards of a healthy, drug-free life:

Be your teen’s greatest fan. Compliment him or her on all of his or her efforts, strength of character and individuality.
Encourage your teen to get involved in adult-supervised after-school activities. Ask him or her what types of activities he or she is interested in and contact the school principal or guidance counselor to find out what activities are available. Sometimes it takes a bit of experimenting to find out which activities your teen is best suited for, but it’s worth the effort – feeling competent makes children much less likely to use drugs.
Help your teen develop tools he can use to get out of drug-related situations. Let him or her know he or she can use you as an excuse: “My mom would kill me if I smoked marijuana!”
Get to know your teen’s friends and their parents. Set appointments for yourself to call them and check-in to make sure they share your views on alcohol, tobacco and other drugs. Steer your teen away from any friends who use drugs.
Call teens’ parents if their home is to be used for a party. Make sure that the party will be drug-free and supervised by adults.
Set curfews and enforce them. Let your teen know the consequences of breaking curfew.
Set a no-use rule for alcohol, tobacco and other drugs.
Sit down for dinner with your teen at least once a week. Use the time to talk – don’t eat in front of the television.
Get – and stay – involved in your teen’s life.

References
Substance Abuse & Mental Human Services Administration
Drug Abuse Warning Network
American Academy of Child & Adolescent Psychiatry
National Institute on Drug Abuse
U.S. Food and Drug Administration
Center for Drug Evaluation and Research
American Academy of Family Physicians
Partnership for a Drug-Free America

Inactive Teens

By Connect with Kids

“Make time for [exercise] because once you get out of it, it’s so hard to get back in.”

– Tori, 16 years old

They run and play and participate in all sorts of sports. But what happens when little kids become teens?

“After a while, you just become like a couch potato,” says Tori, 16.

When she was a cheerleader in middle school, Tori got plenty of exercise. Now she’s 16, and she admits she hasn’t exercised regularly in years.

“I’m not physically fit,” she says. “I mean, I’m skinny, but I guess it’s just because I have a fast metabolism. But physically fit? Noooo!”

A study in the Journal of the American Medical Association followed more than one thousand children aged 9 to 15.

97% were active when they were 9-years-old, but by the time they were 15, only 31% of teens were meeting the recommended sixty minutes of vigorous physical activity during the week. And only 17% met that target on the weekend.

The older they got, the less they exercised!

Experts speculate, for some it’s just laziness, for other, interests change, or they’re simply too busy.

Tori agrees: “School starts to get harder, and you get more homework, and you want to spend more time with your friends and you need more sleep.”

Still, experts warn that teens must find a way to remain active otherwise they risk becoming obese or sick later in life. Parents can help by getting involved in activities with their children.

“Whether it’s running and pulling a kite in the wind or going out throwing a Frisbee or going for a walk with your dog, if you incorporate those things, you’re just gonna have a better quality of life,” says Jon Crosby, an Atlanta-based sports and fitness trainer.

Tori’s advice to fellow teens: “Make time for [exercise] because once you get out of it, it’s so hard to get back in.”

Tips for Parents

Many studies have found similar results to the UC- San Diego study. University of Pittsburgh researchers report that as girls age, they increasingly get less and less exercise. In their study, published in The New England Journal of Medicine, the researchers evaluated the exercise habits of 1,213 black girls and 1,166 white girls for 10 years, beginning at age 9 or 10. By the time the girls were 16 or 17, nearly 56% of the black girls and nearly 31% of the white girls reported no regular exercise participation at all outside of school.

While this study focused on teenage girls, other research shows that participation in physical activity is decreasing among all American children. The National Association for Sport & Physical Education reports that only 25% of all U.S. kids are physically active. And while most parents believe that their children are getting enough exercise during school hours, the President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports (PCPFS) says that only 17% of middle or junior high schools and 2% of senior high schools require daily physical activity for all students.

As a result of this physical inactivity, more and more children are becoming obese. According to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, 13% of children aged 6 to 11 and 18% of teens aged 12 to 19 are overweight. These same overweight adolescents also have a 70% chance of becoming overweight or obese adults and are at an increased risk for developing health problems, such as heart disease, type 2 diabetes, high blood pressure and some forms of cancer. In fact, the PCPFS reports that physical inactivity contributes to 300,000 preventable deaths a year in the United States.

Besides preventing the onset of certain diseases, regular physical exercise can also help your child in the following ways, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention:

Helps control weight
Helps build and maintain healthy bones, muscles and joints
Improves flexibility
Helps burn off stress
Promotes psychological well-being
Reduces feelings of depression and anxiety
As a parent, you need to emphasize to your child the importance of physical activity. This can often be a difficult task, as you may encounter some resistance from a child who enjoys sedentary activities like watching television and surfing the Internet. The American Council on Exercise (ACE) recommends the following guidelines for easing your child into an active lifestyle:

Don’t just tell your child that exercise is fun; show him or her! Get off the couch and go biking, rock climbing or inline skating with your child. Skip rope or shoot baskets with him or her.
Invite your child to participate in vigorous household tasks, such as tending the garden, washing the car or raking leaves. Demonstrate the value of these chores as quality physical activity.
Plan outings and activities that involve some walking, like a trip to the zoo, a nature hike or even a trip to the mall.
Set an example for your child and treat exercise as something to be done on a regular basis, like brushing your teeth or cleaning your room.
Concentrate on the positive aspects of exercise. It can be a chance for your family to have some fun together. Avoid competition, discipline and embarrassment, which can turn good times into bad times. Praise your child for trying and doing.
Keep in mind that your child is not always naturally limber. His or her muscles may be tight and vulnerable to injury during growth spurts. Be sure to include stretching as part of your child’s fitness activities.
Exercise and nutrition go hand in hand. Instead of high-calorie foods and snacks, turn your child on to fruits and low- or non-fat foods.
If you discover that your teen is having trouble staying motivated to exercise, the American Academy of Family Physicians suggests these strategies:

Choose an activity that your child likes to do. Make sure it suits him or her physically, too.
Encourage your child to get a partner. Exercising with a friend can make it more fun.
Tell your child to vary his or her routine. Your child may be less likely to get bored or injured if he or she changes his or her exercise routine. Your child could walk one day and bicycle the next.
Ensure that your child is active during a comfortable time of day. Don’t allow him or her to work out too soon after eating or when it’s too hot or cold outside. And make sure your child drinks plenty of fluids to stay hydrated during physical activity.
Remind your child not to get discouraged. It can take weeks or months before he or she notices some of the changes from and benefits of exercise.
Tell your child to forget “no pain, no gain.” While a little soreness is normal after your child first starts exercising, pain isn’t. He or she should stop if hurt.
With a little encouragement and help from you, your child will be up and moving in no time!

References
American Academy of Family Physicians
American Council on Exercise
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
National Association for Sport & Physical Education
Office of the Surgeon General
President’s Council on Physical Fitness and Sports
The New England Journal of Medicine

Sue Scheff: Binge Drinking and Teens by Connect with Kids

“There’s this idea that drinking, getting drunk, being a part of a group … is somehow a part of our growing up, and everybody’s going to do it.”

– Robert Margolis, Ph.D., clinical psychologist

Binge drinking is considered to be a rite of passage for teenagers across the country. “I drank a liter of tequila in an hour, and I went to this pizza place, and I passed out in the parking lot. I woke up the next morning,” remembers Cleophus Randolph, a 22-year-old college student.

Suzanne Graham had a similar experience: “This summer I went kind of crazy, the summer after senior year, I passed out in someone’s backyard. It was not good, and I was throwing up pretty heavily the next day and all that night.”

The consequences can range from sickness to far worse — “where they don’t get a second chance because they get alcohol poisoning. Their heart rate and their body metabolism slows down and, for whatever reason, they don’t recover from it. If you drink enough alcohol you die,” explains Dr. Robert Margolis, clinical psychologist.

His advice is to set clear boundaries for your children. Tell them what to expect, teach them how to say no, and, most of all, start early. He says middle school is the perfect time. “Those are the years when you really need to start talking about those messages, so you can help them form appropriate expectations about drinking, particularly in regard to important issues like, you can be accepted without having to drink.”

Dr. Margolis empathizes with parents who feel they’re standing alone against a part of the culture that believes teenage drinking is inevitable. “There’s this idea that drinking, getting drunk, being a part of a group, that we’re all gonna go out and get drunk, is somehow a part of our growing up, and everybody’s going to do it.”

And, sadly every year some kids die — an estimated 1,400 students die from alcohol related causes. Another 500,000 suffer serious injuries. In fact, getting “wasted” is so common that some kids even think it’s funny, like 18-year-old Jason Morgan: “I’ve had friends just outside the door, heaving. It wasn’t bad, it was a good time for most, and entertaining for the sober people to laugh at them, so it was pretty fun.”

Tips for Parents

Research defines binge drinking as having five or more drinks in a row. Reasons adolescents give for binge drinking include: to get drunk, the status associated with drinking, the culture of drinking on campus, peer pressure and academic stress. Binge drinkers are 21 times more likely to: miss class, fall behind in schoolwork, damage property, injure themselves, engage in unplanned and/or unprotected sex, get in trouble with the police, and drink and drive.

Young people who binge drink could be risking serious damage to their brains now and increasing memory loss later in adulthood. Adolescents may be even more vulnerable to brain damage from excessive drinking than older drinkers. Consider the following:

The average girl takes her first sip of alcohol at age 13. The average boy takes his first sip of alcohol at age 11.

Underage drinking causes over $53 billion in criminal, social and health problems.

Seventy-seven percent of young drinkers get their liquor at home, with or without permission.

Students who are binge drinkers in high school are three times more likely to binge drink in college.

Nearly 25 percent of college students report frequent binge drinking, that is, they binged three or more times in a two-week period.

Autopsies show that patients with a history of chronic alcohol abuse have smaller, less massive and more shrunken brains.

Alcohol abstinence can lead to functional and structural recovery of alcohol-damaged brains.
Alcohol is America’s biggest drug problem. Make sure your child understands that alcohol is a drug and that it can kill him/her. Binge drinking is far more pervasive and dangerous than boutique pills and other illicit substances in the news. About 1,400 students will die of alcohol-related causes this year. An additional 500,000 will suffer injuries.

A study by the Harvard School of Public Health showed that 51 percent of male college students and 40 percent of female college students engaged in binge drinking in the previous two weeks. Half of these drinkers binged frequently (more than three times per week). College students who binge drink report:

Interruptions in sleep or study habits (71 percent).
Caring for an intoxicated student (57 percent).
Being insulted or humiliated (36 percent).
An unwanted sexual experience (23 percent).
A serious argument (23 percent).
Damaging property (16 percent).
Being pushed, hit or assaulted (11 percent).
Being the victim of a sexual advance assault or date rape (1 percent).

Students must arrive on college campuses with the ability to resist peer pressure and knowing how to say no to alcohol. For many youngsters away from home for the first time, it is difficult to find the courage to resist peer pressure and the strength to answer peer pressure with resounding no. Parents should foster such ability in their child's early years and nurture it throughout adolescence. Today’s youth needs constant care from parents and community support to make the best decisions for their wellbeing.

References
Centers for Disease Control and Prevention
Harvard School of Public Health
National Youth Violence Prevention Center

Web Friends Over Real Friends by Connect with Kids

“All of these kinds of social worlds helps develop their ability to interact with people, and particularly, to do things like post a comment that might be a little controversial for example, and see what kind of reactions they get.”

– Larry Rosen, Ph.D., Professor of Psychology

Like many teens, Matt has tons of friends online. “My buddy list is full. It over 200 people in there. And it’s just all these people that have the same interests as me that I would have never met, if I just, you know, that don’t go to my school. They’re just around the country.”

According to a recent online survey, one in four kids say their internet friendships are equally or more important than friends met in person.

“Yeah, I mean, like. Cause of the internet, I’ve, you know, that’s where I found my social group, and I really kinda found out about myself,” agrees Matt.

But are these relationships healthy?

Experts say, on one hand, they give kids an opportunity to try out different personalities without consequence. “Kids are struggling to find out who they are. And who they are is in a lot of dimensions,” explains Professor of Psychology, Dr. Larry Rosen. “Who they are personally, what their skills are, but mostly it’s who they are in a social context, and that’s why these online social worlds like MySpace, all of these kinds of social worlds helps develop their ability to interact with people, and particularly, to do things like post a comment that might be a little controversial for example, and see what kind of reactions they get.”

But, on the other hand, Rosen says, like most things in life moderation is key.

“Because being in the virtual world, being in front of a screen all day is not sufficient for good teenage socialization. You need to have a combination of a screen life, and a real life,” he explains. “And so a good parent will make some sort of boundaries that say okay, you can have screen time, but after a certain amount of screen time you have to have some real outdoor time. Or some real communication time. And you can’t talk on the phone, it has to be face to face. You have to come talk to me, you have to go outside and hang out with some friends – you have to do something that’s in the real world.”

Tips for Parents

Most adults have an Internet-usage history that dates back no more than ten to fifteen years. But those growing up since the emergence of the Internet potentially could have their entire lives documented online. New parents can post online baby books for under $15 annually. Images once stored on a bookshelf at Grandma’s house can be available to the world without password protection. With Bunk1, the same can be said for memories of summer camp.

It is increasingly common for teens to have their own website. Many of these sites have a “blog”, where the owner can post running thoughts on a daily basis. Although some sites, like MySpace.com and LiveJournal.com, require users to be registered, membership is free and easy to obtain. If your child has a blog, encourage them to protect their blog so that can be read only by the friends and family they approve. Consider the following …

Only 10 percent of families posting their baby’s photos have the site protected with a password.
Many employers and colleges will enter a prospective applicant’s name in an Internet search engine to research their web presence.

Remind your child that not only friends and strangers, but also his or her parents, will be reading the blog.

Regularly monitor your child’s blog and immediately discuss any uncomfortable or inappropriate posts with your child.

It is very important to discuss various aspects of safety with your child, including the Internet and availability of information. Cite modern advances that have changed the world within the child’s lifetime and memory. Explain to your child that while your embarrassing photos and writings might be stored in a closet, an attic or even at Grandma’s home, the electronic versions your child might have will be much more accessible to anyone interested. Also, keep the following in mind:

If you do opt to post family photos online, be sure to place the images on a secure, password-protected site.

Search for names on an Internet search engine with your child to show him/her the possible places his/her information could be found.

Show your child how far e-mails, especially jokes and chain messages, can travel.

Monitor your child’s web usage and posts. An online diary usually does not have the same rights to privacy as a bound, handwritten journal because the online version is accessible to members of the public outside your home.

Know what posts, if any, you are able to delete from your child’s blog.

References
A Parent’s Guide to Internet Safety
Pew Internet and American Life Project
Kids Help Phone

Sue Scheff: Importance of Friends

By Connect with Kids

“There’s some research to indicate that one of the best indicators of how well adjusted we will be as adults is not based on IQ or grades in school, but the degree to which the child has good friendships.”

– Nick Long, Ph.D., Adolescent Psychologist

Parents worry about how much kids learn and how fast, but a child’s biggest worry is most likely something else: friends.

“Cause if anything is going on in school I always know that I can talk to Molly and she’ll understand,” says Meredith Albin.

The kids have got it right- learning the language of friendship is one of the most important lessons of childhood.

“There’s some research to indicate that one of the best indicators of how well adjusted we will be as adults is not based on IQ or grades in school, but the degree to which the child has good friendships,” says Dr. Nick Long, adolescent psychologist.

It’s not popularity, but learning to make friends that counts.

“I think that most people in this school want to have friends but they don’t know how to do it right,” says 11-year-old Johnathon.

By school age, a child needs at least one close friend, experts say.

“And if that child doesn’t have one close friend, it’s important for parents to try to set up situations for them to meet other children who might have similar interests to try to develop those relationships,” advises Long.

Psychologist Dr. Garry McGiboney adds, “It may take a while, but most of the time kids will enjoy that interaction with other kids.”

Kids without friends are at risk for lots of problems ranging from poor grades to depression, bullying, and drug abuse.

Experts say don’t underestimate the harm of isolation.

Fourteen-year-old Erica can tell you why: “Sometimes when you feel isolated and you feel like you should just be off this world. Just die.”

Tips for Parents

The American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry says when teenagers begin to feel isolated and stressed out, it can lead to anxiety, withdrawal, aggression, physical illness and drug or alcohol abuse.

Why is a feeling of isolation so potentially dangerous? The AACAP says when we perceive a situation as difficult or painful, changes occur in our minds and bodies to prepare us to respond to danger. This response – what the AACAP calls the “fight, flight or freeze” response – includes a faster heart and breathing rate, cold or clammy hands and feet, an upset stomach and/or a sense of dread.

The AACAP says parents can do the following things to help their teens remain healthy:

Monitor whether or not stress is affecting their health, behavior, thoughts or feelings.
Listen carefully to teens, and watch for “overloading.”
Learn and model stress-management skills.
Support involvement in sports and pro-social activities.
If teens show signs of being overly stressed, it may be best to see a child and adolescent psychiatrist or qualified mental health professional. The following are signs that professional help may be needed:

Disorientation and memory gaps
Severe depression and withdrawal
Substance abuse
Inability to take care of basic needs (eating, drinking, bathing)
Hallucinations
Fear of harming self or others
Inability to make simple decisions
Excessive preoccupation with one thought
The Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence (CSPV) says that, despite the tragedy at Columbine and other recent events, schools shootings are still relatively rare. The center points out that school-related deaths since 1992 represent only about 1% of all youth killed with guns during that time period. The National School Safety Center says the odds of a child dying at school remain one in 2 million.

In addition, a study by researchers at the University of Maryland found schools that rely on “secure building” measures, such as cameras and metal detectors, show higher rates of reported victimization than schools that create an atmosphere of nonviolence. They found that clearly defined rules and consequences can be more effective in creating an atmosphere of safety than metal detectors and cameras. Students in schools where rules are emphasized and the consequences of breaking the rules are known to all reported less victimization and disorder.

The CSPV recommends that schools include these steps in their safe school plan:


Create a climate of ownership and school pride.
Enhance multicultural understanding.
Be sure that all students have knowledge of school rules and consequences for breaking the rules.
Add “hard looks” and “stare downs” as actionable offenses to the student code of conduct.
Place students and parents on notice.
Provide adequate adult supervision.
Develop and enforce a school dress code.
Provide teacher training in behavior management.
Implement peer counseling and peer mediation programs.
Create a student advisory council.
Incorporate a life skills curriculum.
Develop a student crime prevention program.
References
The University of Virginia
The Center on Juvenile and Criminal Justice
The Center for the Study and Prevention of Violence
American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry

Sue Scheff, Parents Univeral Resource Experts: Cutting Back on Sugar to Treat Symptoms in Children

By ADDitude Magazine

Simple changes in diet, like cutting back on snacks with sugar, could bring out the sweeter side this holiday season in your child with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD).

Chances are, you’ve had the following chat with the doctor of your child with attention deficit disorder (ADD ADHD) — probably just before the holidays: “Every time Johnny eats lots of sugary foods, his symptoms of ADHD worsen, and he becomes irritable and hyper. I dread this season because Johnny turns it into unhappy days for everyone.”
Your doctor leans back in his leather chair and says, “What your child eats has nothing to do with his behavior! There is no research that supports this idea.”

Click here for entire article.

Sue Scheff - Texting While Driving

“I don’t even remember hitting the truck because I was looking down at my phone when I hit it.”

– Richard Tatum, 18

Three seconds. According to the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration, that’s all the time it takes for a driver to take their eyes off the road and get into a car accident. And now, with more kids than ever texting on their cell phones while they’re driving… how many more crashes will there be? How many more kids will get hurt?

Richard Tatum was sending his girlfriend a text message, just like he does throughout the day. The problem was, this time he was driving while he was texting.

He crossed the median and collided head-on with a cement truck.

“I don’t even remember hitting the truck because I was looking down at my phone when I hit it,” says Richard, 18.

Richard’s car was totaled: he barely survived.

“It crushed my pelvis and hip and my knee. I tore two ligaments and chipped a piece of my knee cap off.”

According to a recent AAA Auto Club survey, 46 percent of teens admit to text messaging while driving. That’s up from 13 percent just two years ago.

“You just look down to text, look up to drive, look down to text. It’s not hard to do so everybody does it,” says Richard.

Two states, Washington and New Jersey, have made driving while texting illegal. Sixteen more are trying to pass similar legislation.

And it’s not just texting that’s dangerous; simply talking on the phone while driving greatly impairs your ability. Research from the University of Utah shows that driving while talking on the cell phone is equivalent to a .08 blood alcohol level. In most states, if your blood alcohol level is greater than .08 you are considered intoxicated.

Experts say that parents should make it clear: teens can use their cell phone or the car, but not both at the same time.

“With teens, you have to send the message that you cannot do this while you are driving, and if I find out you are doing it, then you are not going to be driving,” says Ted Waldbart, general manager, Safe America Foundation.

As for Richard, he’s now walking and even driving again, but he will never be the same.

“He now has the hip of a 47-year-old because of the cartilage damage and everything. And he is going to have arthritis, and he’s just not going to be able to do the things that he could do before,” says Richard’s mother, Linda Tatum.

“I don’t text when I drive anymore; it’s not worth breaking my good hip,” Richard says with a laugh.

Tips for Parents

The Federal government estimates that 30 percent of car accidents are due to driving distractions. To help keep your teen safe while they are in the car, Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD) and Liberty Mutual Insurance Group recommend these guidelines for teaching teens about driving distractions.

Know and enforce your state’s Graduated Driver License laws and restrictions, including unsupervised driving, time of day and passengers in the car.
Sign a teen driving contract (many are available online, including SADD’s Contract for Life.
Set family driving rules with clear consequences for breaking the rules. SADD recommends rules such as:

No alcohol or drug use
No cell phone use, including text messaging
Limit distractions — eating, changing CDs, handling iPods or other activities while driving
Limit or restrict friends in the car without an adult
Be a role model. Your teen will follow your driving example, so be sure you are keeping your own rules.
If you receive an important call or must make a call, pull off the road. Do not drive while calling or texting.
Let your voicemail take the call. You can call back later when you are not driving.
Know when to stop talking. If the conversation is long, emotional or stressful continue it when you are not driving.
Do not take notes while driving. If you don’t want to forget a note, use a take recorder or pull off the road.
Do not eat or drink while driving.
Groom yourself at home, not in the vehicle.

References
Students Against Destructive Decisions (SADD) & Liberty Mutual Insurance Group Chicago Arts Partnerships in Education (CAPE)
Safe America Foundation
Road and Travel

Sue Scheff - Connect with Kids

Your Resource for the Latest Research-Based Parenting Tips, Teacher Information and News About Kids

At Connect with Kids, our single aim is to help parents and educators help children. Each week we gather the freshest information from experts at universities, research organizations, hospitals, child advocacy groups and parents and kids themselves. We present that information in video news and feature stories that are understandable, compelling and useful.

Our award winning programming is broadcast in many of the major cities in America on local ABC, CBS, NBC, and Fox television stations. We develop multi-media curricula, parenting resources, and teacher training for school systems all over the nation. We cover virtually all of the critical issues effecting children today, from obesity, anorexia, and body image to cutting, drug use, and bullying. Our programs are powerful, well researched, and solution-oriented. But most importantly, research shows that Connect with Kids programs work. When adults and children watch together, communication, attitudes and behavior improves.

So, if you're looking for parenting tips and insights into parenting skills, you’ve come to the right place. If you are a teacher or educator, you’ve got new access to curricula that can help you teach and mold adolescents and teenagers.

Sue Scheff: Junk Food Commercials by Connect with Kids

“Parents cannot overlook the persuasiveness of TV. [Children] don’t understand that this is a show, this is a commercial, and they are trying to sell you a product. It all runs together.”

– Rachel Brandeis, registered dietician, American Dietetic Association

The number of overweight kids in the U.S. has doubled since 1980, according to the American Academy of Pediatrics. Some blame the long, inactive hours that children spend watching TV, but new research suggests the reason may be less about how much television children are watching and more about what they’re watching.

Ever since 7-year-old Jake was a toddler, if he saw something on TV that he wanted, “he would point to stuff and say ‘Mama, Mama,’” says Eve Jones, Jake’s mother.

As if on cue, Jake yells from in front of the television, “Mommy! Mommy! Come here fast! I want you to look at this!”

“Sometimes it’s food, sometimes it’s toys,” says Jones.

And when it’s food, says Jones, “It’s always not the healthiest stuff in the world, it’s the stuff with all the food dye, the bright colored stuff, the stuff with sugar in it.”

Many experts believe that the more television kids watch, the more likely they are to be overweight. But is that because they get too little exercise? Not necessarily, says the newest research.

According to the Center for Science in the Public Interest, 9 out of 10 food advertisements on Saturday morning TV are for foods low in nutrients and/or high in fat and sugar.

“I think it is a huge impact and parents cannot overlook the persuasiveness of TV,” says Rachel Brandeis, a registered dietician with the American Dietetic Association. “[Children] don’t understand that this is a show, this is a commercial, and they are trying to sell you a product. It all runs together.”

“Whenever I see people eat something or drink something I go, ‘Mom, can I have something to eat? I’m kind of hungry,’” says Jake.

Today, kids see 40,000 commercials a year – twice the amount of commercials kids saw a generation ago. While current federal guidelines limit the number of commercials that can run during television programs aimed children under the age of 12, experts say parents can also help reduce the cause-and-effect of junk food commercials by limiting screen time and making healthy food choices.

“Remember, you are in charge of what you bring into the home. You can say ‘no,’” says Brandeis.

Tips for Parents

According to the American Academy of Pediatrics (AAP):

Children should watch no more than one to two hours of television per day. Parents should watch with children to help interpret messages.

Parents should explain that the purpose of commercials is to make people want things.
Limit the number of commercials your child sees by watching public television stations. You can also record programs without the commercials or buy/rent children's DVDs.

Teach your children to recognize marketing. You can ask the following questions: What is the product being advertised? How are they trying to get you to buy the product? Is there something about the product they are not telling you?

Teach children to read nutritional labels. The FDA regulates the claims manufacturers make on food labels. Here are some common terms as defined by the FDA:

Low-Fat means three grams or less per serving.
Low-Saturated Fat means one gram or less per serving.
Low-Sodium means 140 mg or less per serving.
Low-Calorie means 40 calories or less per serving.
Good source means that one serving of a food contains 10 to 19 percent of the recommended daily allowance for a particular nutrient.

Reduced means that a nutritionally altered product contains at least 25 percent less of a nutrient or calories than the regular, or reference, product.

Light means a nutritionally altered product contains one-third fewer calories or half the fat of the reference food

References
American Academy of Pediatrics
U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA)
American Dietetic Association

Sue Scheff: Acting White by Connect with Kids

“If you dress too proper, with your shirt tucked in and stuff, they’ll probably say you act too white.”

– student Diijon Dacosta, 20

For many American teenagers, one of the ways to be unpopular in high school is to be an “A” student. In fact, in some schools, doing your homework every day, studying hard and getting good grades has a controversial label. Some call it, “acting white.”

Lindsay, 15, knows the pressure to be cool. “If you’re really smart, they might think of you as a nerd or something,” she says.

Will they say you’re a nerd, a dork, a bookworm …or acting white?

“If you dress too proper, with your shirt tucked in and stuff, they’ll probably say you act too white,” says 20-year-old Diijon Dacosta.

Researchers at Vanderbilt University surveyed 166 middle and high school students from both the inner city and the suburbs. The students said that “acting white” often meant “getting good grades, joining clubs, being a leader.”

Students also talked about “acting black.”

“That would include … not studying, not doing homework, not joining various honor societies or other school projects. I think it is all part of that identity,” says Don Rice, Ph.D., psychologist.

He says that one problem is the culture doesn’t celebrate African Americans who are well educated or well spoken.

“Very seldom does one think of a black kid as being smart or geeky in that sense, and they’re not getting the messages through television, they’re not getting the messages through movies,” says Rice.

Rice adds that the media help set expectations in a child’s mind, and low expectations can lead to low performance.

"They don't really see the opportunities, they don't see how sitting down and learning algebra can lead to something that would be a better life,” explains Rice.

"It's easier to just say forget about it and forget your school work than it is to actually go through with the whole process and do good in school,” says Omyrie, 16.

Still, experts say that inside all children, there is a desire to learn and achieve.

"It’s a matter of finding what it is these kids want out of life and to show them how to get it,” says Rice.

Tips for Parents

“Children can't achieve unless we raise their expectations and turn off the television sets, and eradicate the slander that says a black youth with a book is ‘acting white.’" (Sen. Barack Obama)
“Education starts at home. Teach your children the benefits of a good education -- have them visit college campuses, talk to professionals in your neighborhood, and get involved in clubs and activities at school.” (Don Rice, Ph.D., professor of psychology)

“It’s not measures of popularity or social success that predict achievement in college or the business world, but academic achievement itself that is the best predictor.” (Marla Shapiro, licensed psychologist)

“Part of the achievement gap, particularly for gifted black students, is due to the poor image these students have of themselves as learners,” says Donna Ford, professor of special education and Betts Chair of Education and Human Development at Vanderbilt University’s Peabody College, and author of the study on “acting white and acting black.” “Our research shows that prevention and intervention programs that focus on improving students’ achievement ethic and self-image are essential to closing the achievement gap.”

References

Fryer and Torelli, National Bureau of Economic Research: An Empirical Analysis of “Acting White’”
The Century Foundation: Equality and Education
Vanderbilt University’s News Network

Sue Scheff: The Stress of Moving for Kids

By Connect with Kids

“There’s that sense that [kids feel] ‘I’ve lost my family, my friends, my base, my school, teachers -- everything I knew that made me feel safe and secure is all gone now. I have to start over.’”

– Dr. Tim Jordan, pediatrician

One in five American families will move this year. Research shows that moving is one of the most stress-producing events a family can go through. Experts say it can be especially hard for children. How do you help your child adjust to the changes?

The Ricardos moved from their old house to a new home. Same family, same dog -- but it was hard on 9-year-old Elena.

“I hated my room. I hated the house. I hated everything,” says Elena, 9.

She hated leaving her friends the most.

“I was so emotional. I mean, saying goodbye to all my friends … my very close friend, who was my neighbor, just saying goodbye to them made me so sad,” says Elena.

For some kids, the emotional stress of moving is not much different than the emotions when someone has died.

“There’s that sense that, ‘I’ve lost my family, my friends, my base, my school, teachers -- everything I knew that made me feel safe and secure is all gone now. I have to start over,’” says Dr. Tim Jordan, pediatrician.

Starting over is exactly Dr. Jordan’s advice. Make newfriends, get involved at the new school and in the new neighborhood. He says that’s what Elena’s parents need to encourage her to do.

“One of the things that will be important for her is to find somebody, some people, some groups that she can feel connected to,” says Dr. Jordan.

And that’s what Elena’s sister Hallie is doing.

“Hi. Is Judy there?” asks Hallie, calling a new friend on the phone.

“You can’t just sit around and wait for the phone to ring. You have to take the initiative. You have to say, ‘let’s go out sometime, let’s do something.’ Or, ‘I want to join the chorus. I want to be in the school play.’ You have to take the initiative,” says Hallie, 14.

With an older sister as a role model, parents who are patient and some effort on her part, before long Elena’s new house will feel like home.

Tips for Parents

Moving to a new community may be one of the most stress-producing experiences a family faces. Frequent moves or even a single move can be especially hard on children and adolescents. (American Academy of Child Adolescent Psychiatry, AACAP)

To make the move easier on children, parents may take these steps: (AACAP)

Explain clearly to the children why the move is necessary.

Familiarize the children as much as possible with the new area with maps, photographs and/or the daily newspaper.

Describe advantages of the new location that the child might appreciate such as a lake, mountain or an amusement park.

After the move, get the children involved in activities at the local church or synagogue, PTA, scouts, YMCA, etc.

If a son or daughter is a senior in high school, consider the possibility of letting him or her stay with a trusted family until the school year is over.

Let children participate in designing or furnishing their room.

Help children keep in touch with friends from the previous neighborhood through telephone, letters, e-mail, and personal visits.

The more frequently a family moves, the more important is the need for internal stability. With the proper attention from parents, and professional help if necessary, moving can be a positive growth experience for children, leading to increased self-confidence and interpersonal skills. (AACAP)

If the child shows persistent signs of depression or distress, parents can ask their family doctor, their pediatrician or the local medical society to refer them to a child and adolescent psychiatrist. The psychiatrist can evaluate and treat the child's emotional problems that may be associated with stress and also help parents make the transition and new experience easier for the whole family. (AACAP)

References

American Academy of Child Adolescent Psychiatry (AACAP)